There's a lot on my mind and this blog doesn't even begin to cover it.. but it seems like an easy lead-in to talk about "Christians". Why? because they're an easy target, I guess. (I feel that I can say this freely because I am one.) Growing up in the church, I've noticed that there are two types of Christians. There are Christians who are perfect. They live seemingly perfect lives and nothing ever goes wrong.. of course, if something were to go wrong, they would tell you that they are better because of it and all glory to God, etc. It also seems that they never sin and they know the words to every new worship song that no one else has ever heard before. They have the bible memorized and would never consider missing a service. I love these people. Really I do. But I confess, I am not one of them. I'm more of the other type of Christian...
What I mean by that is, we're human.. we struggle.. we suffer.. and sometimes our faith suffers too. I think that praising God in every situation is great, but if we're honest.. most of us would admit that we rarely do this. We have our ups and downs, our good days and our bad days.. and we have days when we just don't feel like going to church, or talking about our faith, or singing worship songs..
For this reason I say it's important to have Christian friends... and I could really write a whole blog about that.. if I wanted to.. which I don't. Maybe some other day.
What I'm really thinking is this..
I've had a few conversations recently with other Christians.. ones who are struggling with different aspects of life. I've been short on words.. even though I could say a lot.. nothing has seemed quite right. Today, however, I realized something.. or it actually, finally sank in.. I found myself asking this question: Is bringing glory to God my purpose for living, or is it more of a guideline that I live next to?
What I mean is this.. It seems that in almost every conversation I have with Christians trying to deal with different issues the question always seems to be something along the lines of, "Is God okay with this?" or "Is this a sin?" Both are good questions and I believe they're helpful for staying on the 'straight & narrow'... but it seems to me that most of the time when we ask this, we actually know the answer. So I have a better question.. What if we started weighing our decisions according to how well we could glorify God in each situation? Maybe instead our question would be, "Can I grow in my relationship with God and bring him the glory if I do this?" (Whatever "this" is.. it obviously varies)
In essence what I'm saying is, what if we stopped trying to push the boundaries? Stopped trying to see just how far we can go and still be "ok" and "sin-free"?
When I say that bringing glory to God can be a guideline that we live next to, I mean exactly that. It gets set aside as the boundary line between "ok" and "not ok". It's no longer our purpose, but just something that we measure things against to make sure we're not sinning. I'd give examples, but this blog is long enough. Those are my thoughts... talk to me.
Cheers
-E
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Trust and Patience
Sometimes I think I've learned a lesson.. and then months later, discover that I still haven't really. I noticed this today.
I think that trusting God completely is the most difficult thing in the world. I thought I was learning.. maybe I am.. but I'm a slow learner.
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life." -1 Timothy 1:15-16
I think that trusting God completely is the most difficult thing in the world. I thought I was learning.. maybe I am.. but I'm a slow learner.
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life." -1 Timothy 1:15-16
Sunday, August 17, 2008
CONFESSIONS AND TRUTHS
I just arrived home from a long day downtown and I admit, it feels good to finally be getting this down on paper (or.. not really paper.. you get the idea.) I've been thinking it over all day and it's become a bit of a headache. Just a warning, this is a long blog.. hang in there.
It's been almost two and a half months since I moved to Vancouver. I get asked a lot why I decided to move here. I guess I haven't really had much of an answer.. or more honestly, I think there may be more than a hundred answers and none of them seem quite right on their own. Perhaps I still don't have a good answer to that question, because in all truthfulness.. I still don't know.
For a long time before I moved I knew that I wanted to. For a few years my plan was to move to California (mostly for the film industry as that was my career-path of choice at the time.) About a year and a half ago, though, it became obvious to me that California was not God's idea.. and neither was film. This came as kind of a slap in the face (for those who have heard that story, you'll understand.. for those who haven't, feel free to ask.)
I spent a year trying desperately to figure things out and decide what I should do with my life. British Columbia had been on my mind for awhile.. years really. Aside from the California plans, it had always been where I wanted to be. I've never had a good solid reason to back that up, except that I was born here... but in reality, I think it makes little difference.
Anyway, I did a lot of praying about it and in January I decided that I would move. After pushing back my moving date three times, I finally bought my plane ticket and made the move. I didn't really know what to expect when I got here. However, what I was NOT expecting was two and a half months of depression and spiritual battle.
It's been a rough couple months. I've felt uninspired and essentially uninterested in life and the world around me. Being unable to figure out why left me frustrated. Sure, it's difficult starting life in a new city, but I knew it ran a lot deeper than that.
I've always been a church-goer. I don't always feel like going, but I shutter to think where I'd be if it weren't for my church family.
Leaving my church in Ontario was maybe the hardest thing I've ever done, but I was blessed to find a church here almost immediately. I went this morning prepared to learn something.. maybe find some inspirational tidbit worth writing about.. who knows. I wasn't really prepared to get hit in the head with a brick of a reality check.. but that's what happened. (Thank you Pastor Norm.)
The sermon was about glory.. giving God the glory.. worshiping in our everyday lives.. perhaps these topics are not so new, but here's what was revealed to me.. my bittersweet moment of truth.
For the past couple months I have spent most of my time wallowing in self-pity. Now I know why. I spent much of my life in Ontario building up a reputation. When you live in a city of 35,000 it's fairly easy to have a reputation that sticks for a lifetime.. this can be good or bad. At any rate, it was fairly clear that I knew who I was and people knew me. I developed a strange sort of self-confidence and my friends were more than happy to feed it. During highschool I knew that perhaps for the first time ever, there were people who wanted to be me. I knew that there were people who practically worshiped the ground I walked on. I knew I was cool and respected. People liked me. I liked me. That seems like a fairly safe combination.. until you move.
I guess I'm discovering more and more what it means to give everything to God. Everything including my pride, my confidence, my hunger for admiration. Sometimes God does have to take away things in our lives in order for us to realize that we've lost our focus. For me it meant taking away my reputation which had become how I was defining myself. It wasn't a bad reputation really. For the most part, people knew what I believed and respected me for that. In itself, it wasn't a bad thing... maybe that's why it was so hard to see. Today my pastor talked about worshiping. We are all made to worship and we all do worship. The question, 'what are we worshiping?' maybe doesn't get asked often enough. It can change daily.. or it can stay the same.. It can be obvious.. or maybe not so much..
I think that where I moved had little to do with the lesson I'm learning.. for now, anyway. Maybe the most important thing was that I moved at all. What mattered most to me was taken away. I can no longer live hiding under my reputation. I can no longer worship my abilities, my life, the affirming words of others.. truth be told, it's not worth it anyway. All of that is dirt in comparison to God, the one who is worthy of ALL our praise.
"You, God, are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands"
-Psalm 63:1-4
It's been almost two and a half months since I moved to Vancouver. I get asked a lot why I decided to move here. I guess I haven't really had much of an answer.. or more honestly, I think there may be more than a hundred answers and none of them seem quite right on their own. Perhaps I still don't have a good answer to that question, because in all truthfulness.. I still don't know.
For a long time before I moved I knew that I wanted to. For a few years my plan was to move to California (mostly for the film industry as that was my career-path of choice at the time.) About a year and a half ago, though, it became obvious to me that California was not God's idea.. and neither was film. This came as kind of a slap in the face (for those who have heard that story, you'll understand.. for those who haven't, feel free to ask.)
I spent a year trying desperately to figure things out and decide what I should do with my life. British Columbia had been on my mind for awhile.. years really. Aside from the California plans, it had always been where I wanted to be. I've never had a good solid reason to back that up, except that I was born here... but in reality, I think it makes little difference.
Anyway, I did a lot of praying about it and in January I decided that I would move. After pushing back my moving date three times, I finally bought my plane ticket and made the move. I didn't really know what to expect when I got here. However, what I was NOT expecting was two and a half months of depression and spiritual battle.
It's been a rough couple months. I've felt uninspired and essentially uninterested in life and the world around me. Being unable to figure out why left me frustrated. Sure, it's difficult starting life in a new city, but I knew it ran a lot deeper than that.
I've always been a church-goer. I don't always feel like going, but I shutter to think where I'd be if it weren't for my church family.
Leaving my church in Ontario was maybe the hardest thing I've ever done, but I was blessed to find a church here almost immediately. I went this morning prepared to learn something.. maybe find some inspirational tidbit worth writing about.. who knows. I wasn't really prepared to get hit in the head with a brick of a reality check.. but that's what happened. (Thank you Pastor Norm.)
The sermon was about glory.. giving God the glory.. worshiping in our everyday lives.. perhaps these topics are not so new, but here's what was revealed to me.. my bittersweet moment of truth.
For the past couple months I have spent most of my time wallowing in self-pity. Now I know why. I spent much of my life in Ontario building up a reputation. When you live in a city of 35,000 it's fairly easy to have a reputation that sticks for a lifetime.. this can be good or bad. At any rate, it was fairly clear that I knew who I was and people knew me. I developed a strange sort of self-confidence and my friends were more than happy to feed it. During highschool I knew that perhaps for the first time ever, there were people who wanted to be me. I knew that there were people who practically worshiped the ground I walked on. I knew I was cool and respected. People liked me. I liked me. That seems like a fairly safe combination.. until you move.
I guess I'm discovering more and more what it means to give everything to God. Everything including my pride, my confidence, my hunger for admiration. Sometimes God does have to take away things in our lives in order for us to realize that we've lost our focus. For me it meant taking away my reputation which had become how I was defining myself. It wasn't a bad reputation really. For the most part, people knew what I believed and respected me for that. In itself, it wasn't a bad thing... maybe that's why it was so hard to see. Today my pastor talked about worshiping. We are all made to worship and we all do worship. The question, 'what are we worshiping?' maybe doesn't get asked often enough. It can change daily.. or it can stay the same.. It can be obvious.. or maybe not so much..
I think that where I moved had little to do with the lesson I'm learning.. for now, anyway. Maybe the most important thing was that I moved at all. What mattered most to me was taken away. I can no longer live hiding under my reputation. I can no longer worship my abilities, my life, the affirming words of others.. truth be told, it's not worth it anyway. All of that is dirt in comparison to God, the one who is worthy of ALL our praise.
"You, God, are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands"
-Psalm 63:1-4
Monday, August 11, 2008
THIS IS MY NEW BLOG
After abandoning facebook a number of months ago I realized that I had nowhere to blog. I want to start a new blog, perhaps with more purpose than my, often random, facebook notes. However, I've imported them here for the time being and back-dated them so they are all archived if you want to read them. Unfortunately I wasn't able to import the comments as they are sometimes the best part of the note.. but anyway.. that's ok.
I've named this blog Ashes of Imperfection. My inspiration comes from a bible passage often referred to as "the love passage" (I have written several blogs about it before). However, my focus goes to the second half of this passage which is perhaps less common. It goes like this:
"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
God is Love. Love is perfection. In striving to be more like God we should all be striving to love.. striving to be perfect.. This means allowing God to burn within us. Destroying the old. Perfecting the new. Leaving us with only ashes of imperfection.
This blog is my journey. I'd like to hear yours too.
Burning Down
By Phil Joel
I know what I’ve been told
And I know there’s flaws in my thinking
Threatening the things I hold
So tight
Still this is my only hope
This is the way to freedom
Cause You are not so concerned
with my justice You let go of Your rights
And You expect the same from me
To let the ones who wrong me go free
The burning down of me
This is the cross I see
No other way for me
The burning down of me
This is the grace we have known
The mercy we’re shown
The truth, the way
Where life begins again
No greater love can a man show
Than to lay down his life for another
Even if the other will never know
You’re challenging all that I think I deserve
Challenging the ways that I handle my hurt
Cause it’s You who shoulders the blame I’ll remember
The burning down of me
This is the cross I see
No other way for me
The burning down of me
This is the grace we have known
The mercy we’re shown
The truth, the way
Where life begins again
I've named this blog Ashes of Imperfection. My inspiration comes from a bible passage often referred to as "the love passage" (I have written several blogs about it before). However, my focus goes to the second half of this passage which is perhaps less common. It goes like this:
"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
God is Love. Love is perfection. In striving to be more like God we should all be striving to love.. striving to be perfect.. This means allowing God to burn within us. Destroying the old. Perfecting the new. Leaving us with only ashes of imperfection.
This blog is my journey. I'd like to hear yours too.
Burning Down
By Phil Joel
I know what I’ve been told
And I know there’s flaws in my thinking
Threatening the things I hold
So tight
Still this is my only hope
This is the way to freedom
Cause You are not so concerned
with my justice You let go of Your rights
And You expect the same from me
To let the ones who wrong me go free
The burning down of me
This is the cross I see
No other way for me
The burning down of me
This is the grace we have known
The mercy we’re shown
The truth, the way
Where life begins again
No greater love can a man show
Than to lay down his life for another
Even if the other will never know
You’re challenging all that I think I deserve
Challenging the ways that I handle my hurt
Cause it’s You who shoulders the blame I’ll remember
The burning down of me
This is the cross I see
No other way for me
The burning down of me
This is the grace we have known
The mercy we’re shown
The truth, the way
Where life begins again
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