APOLOGIES AND APOLOGETIX

So.. once again I've kind of dropped the ball known as the blog. I apologize most sincerely. I have been busy with final projects.. and now exam studying.. but I'm taking a break to write this.
The last month has been interesting... filled with bizarre experiences, art, science, community (and lackthereof), economic struggle, and the general struggles of humanity. and God. Not really in that order, although sometimes it feels that way.

A few weeks ago I had a discussion with an atheist about God and spirituality. I hate to admit that this "us and them" mentality was beginning to take its toll on me and it took an awkward conversation to begin the breakdown of what I've begun to think of as "the great wall of Christianity." yuck.
I think that for a lot of us (growing up in North American culture) god seems like a no-brainer.. I mean, of course there's a god.. what he does and how he does it are debatable.. but ya, there's a higher power. It's easy to discuss God with anyone who's a theist, deist, or even agnostic.
So atheism.. well, possibly one of the best conversations I've had all year was with this girl. It's already become apparent to me that the field of cognitive science is one of the most difficult fields to be a Christian in. That is to say, my beliefs were already being significantly challenged... making me feel all the more longing to hide behind that ridiculous Christian wall.
So our conversation began. It could've ended within seconds I think. She said, "God doesn't exist so why would I want to fake it?"
I said, "You wouldn't."
But we talked for longer.. talking about why people believe in God and the possibility of humans creating God as a way to answer all the unanswerable questions. Unfortunately I think her arguments were more convincing than mine.. especially when I didn't actually argue. I mean, I wasn't there to debate. I was intrigued.
It got me thinking (yay!) I thought, "why do I believe in God?" I've often asked myself, "what do I believe about God?" and "what is the purpose of life?" but, taking away my Christian background.. and supposing that I was not raised in a Christian home.. would I believe in God? During the last two weeks, I came up with two reasons why I believe that God exists.. also why I believe the bible is "God-breathed" .. as it also seemed to make sense.
So, since I don't want to write a novel here.. my next two blogs will be my two reasons or "proofs" (I use that word lightly as I don't think God can actually be humanly proven) pertaining to the existence of God. They are personal reasons. You will likely not find them convincing.. however.. I don't want to convince you.
So..
Until we meet again,
-E

JUSTICE

My sincerest apologies for not writing in forever (and then some.)
I'll be posting more soon, but for now.. here's a song that so strongly represents my heart that I couldn't help but post it..

God of Justice
by Tim Hughes

"God of Justice, Saviour to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served

Jesus, You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go

To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in every way
Walking humbly before You God

You have shown us, what You require
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord"

RAIN DELAYS

Rain Delays
By Crash Parallel

The sleepless nights and endless days,
Mini skirts and serving trays,
Waking up from rain delays,
And selling sex for pocket change,
And living off the alcohol,
With no one but a cab to call,
And lost inside a bathroom stall,
This carbon copy life withdrawal,

And I need, Someone to believe in.

And driving cars we cant afford,
Just to make in sure were never bored,
Living off our own accord
Between coffee grinds and corner stores
Limousines and cigarettes,
Chasing dreams with fishing nets
And long weekends with out regrets
Well no one here is taking bets

And I need, Someone to believe in
Yes someone to fill this space, with grace
To look into my eyes and touch my face
To make me feel alive today

Someone to make me strong
Someone to make me belong
Someone to make it all right
Someone to make me feel alive, yeah

And stretching out like rubber bands
To kiss the cheeks and shake the hands
And pool halls and wonderlands.
With strong arms and no legs to stand
And getting by on hand me downs
With your tips, your drinks, your buying rounds
Back to my old stomping grounds
Like children in the lost and found

And I need, Someone to believe in
Yes, someone to fill this space, with grace
To look into my eyes and touch my face
To make me feel alive today

No Greater Joy

Today I was shuffling through my iPod and it came to a song that is one of my favourites. However, it seems I have never paid that much attention to the lyrics.. That is to say, the first verse caught me off guard. Maybe because purpose has been such a hot topic lately.. I don't know.. but the verse goes like this:

"No greater joy
Is there than this
To know for what
We're meant to live

To hold Your hand
To touch Your face
To find ourselves
In loves embrace"

To say that there's "No greater joy" is quite a bold statement.. incredibly bold actually. Also incredibly peaceful... to think that there is nothing better in the world than recognizing what you're living for... knowing your purpose. Also knowing that it's such a beautiful purpose..
I've posted the rest of the lyrics here.. along with a picture that this song reminds me of.

I want to stand before the King
Join in the song that heaven sings
I want to hold the hand that holds the world

I want to know the mystery
Reach out and touch the majesty
I want to hold the hand tht holds the world

No greater love
Could be bestowed
That You would name us as your own

Your daughters sing
Your sons rejoice
They gather here before
Your throne

You are, You are
The author of creation
We are, the children of your heart

You are, You are,
The light of all the heaven
We rise, to worship all You are
-The Hand that Holds the World
by Starfield

FROM MEXICO CITY TO VANCOUVER TO SEOUL

Tonight I went to the Vancouver Passion Conference
It was truly amazing.. I could say a lot about it. But I won't.. I just want to show a picture that I think speaks thousands of words. Two nights ago, the Passion Tour was in Mexico City. This picture is from there :)


At every stop on the tour, each city has been asked to pray for the next. The city after this one is Seoul, South Korea. If you pray, and you think of it on Friday... please pray for Seoul. :)

God of This City
You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You Are

For there is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Greater things are still to come
And greater things are still to be done here

You're the Lord of Creation
The Creator of all things
You're the King above all Kings
You Are

You're the strength in our weakness
You're the love to the broken
You're the joy in the sadness
You Are

Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Where glory shines from hearts alive
With praise for you and love for you
In this city

300 WORDS TO SAVE THE WORLD

The following blog was inspired by true events.

Just kidding. It was actually inspired by a conversation I had with a friend a couple nights ago.
I would've written this yesterday, but unfortunately my internet was down and so blogging was simply out of the question. Anyway, without further ado...

Yesterday, as I was walking around campus, I was thinking about the conversation I had had the night before.. and then I had a thought. It was this.. Imagine that you (yes, you!) were given the opportunity to give a speech to the world. It would be translated into every possible language and everyone would be tuned in. You get to choose the topic.. it can be anything you want! .. but there's a catch - You only get 300 words.
Think about it.. 300 words.. that's about one page.. double-spaced. And no matter what message you decide needs to be conveyed in these 300 words, you'll probably want to choose them carefully. You want to make sure every word is necessary and deliberate.

I gave this a lot of thought yesterday. I'd love to tell you that I wrote my 300 word speech.. but I didn't. Maybe someday I will, but for now, that's not really the point. My point is this: Your life is your speech. Just think about it. Chances are, nobody will ever ask you to actually give a speech to the world.. probably no one will ever ask you to even give a speech to your country. Fortunately though, we're given an opportunity that (I think) is equally great! You are probably seen by hundreds of people each day. In fact, you might even talk to hundreds of people each day.. maybe thousands! On the unfortunate side, we're not usually even given 300 words. Sometimes we're lucky if we get two.. but our actions speak volumes..
So, what exactly am I getting at? Well, I guess in some ways, this is directed at Christians, although in other ways.. not so much. The phone conversation I had was actually about Christians and drunkenness. Over the years, a lot of people have asked me what my thoughts are on alcohol, etc. I've always said that I don't have a problem with drinking in and of itself. This is still true. But as Christians, you should know what your message is. Your speech already has a topic.. your life has a purpose. You don't know exactly how long you have.. but I can tell you right now, it's not long enough.
So shouldn't all your choices be necessary and deliberate? I'm not saying that you shouldn't have fun.. this might make your 'speech' boring and uninteresting. But while you're having fun, don't you think it's important not to stray from your purpose?

I have a lot more to say about this, but I think I'm going to stop here.

"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. " Ephesians 5:15-18

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." 1Peter 3:15-16

THOUGHTS ON GOD

Yesterday I started writing a blog, but didn't finish it... and therefore, didn't post it. The reason I didn't finish it was because I didn't really know how to word what I was trying to say.. or maybe I just didn't really know what I was trying to say.
The blog was supposed to be about God.. just essentially my thoughts on who he is and what he does, etc. etc... but I felt like I had said everything before and so that left very little to say that would be of any interest to anyone (including myself). Today, however, we sang this song at church and, although we've sung it many times, it didn't really mean that much until today... specifically in light of the fact that I attempted to write a blog yesterday and failed miserably.
Anyway, here it is:

This is Our God
by Chris Tomlin

A refuge for the poor, a shelter from the storm
This is our God
He will wipe away your tears and return your
Wasted years
This is our God
This is our God
A father to the orphan, a healer to the broken
This is our God
And he brings peace to our madness and comfort
In our sadness
This is our God
This is our God
This is the one we have waited for
This is our God
A fountain for the thirsty, a lover for the lonely
This is our God
He brings glory to the humble and crowns for the Faithful
This is our God

PURPOSE

Last night I dreamt that I stepped out, stood back, and looked at my life.

Then I scribbled all over it with a purple crayon.

I hate the colour purple.

READ THIS BOOK

Recently I started reading a book called "Do Hard Things" by Alex & Brett Harris. Please read it.. I'll talk about it a lot. Anyway, they quoted a guy named Charles Spurgeon. He said,

"Perhaps some of you can claim some sort of negative purity, because you do not walk in the way of the ungodly; but let me ask you - Is your delight in the law of God? Do you study God's word? Do you make it the man of your right hand - your best companion and hourly guide?"

I like this quotation.. and I love this book. Their writing echoes my thoughts exactly.. and then some.

CHRISTIANS WHO STRUGGLE.. LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE... and more

There's a lot on my mind and this blog doesn't even begin to cover it.. but it seems like an easy lead-in to talk about "Christians". Why? because they're an easy target, I guess. (I feel that I can say this freely because I am one.) Growing up in the church, I've noticed that there are two types of Christians. There are Christians who are perfect. They live seemingly perfect lives and nothing ever goes wrong.. of course, if something were to go wrong, they would tell you that they are better because of it and all glory to God, etc. It also seems that they never sin and they know the words to every new worship song that no one else has ever heard before. They have the bible memorized and would never consider missing a service. I love these people. Really I do. But I confess, I am not one of them. I'm more of the other type of Christian...
What I mean by that is, we're human.. we struggle.. we suffer.. and sometimes our faith suffers too. I think that praising God in every situation is great, but if we're honest.. most of us would admit that we rarely do this. We have our ups and downs, our good days and our bad days.. and we have days when we just don't feel like going to church, or talking about our faith, or singing worship songs..
For this reason I say it's important to have Christian friends... and I could really write a whole blog about that.. if I wanted to.. which I don't. Maybe some other day.
What I'm really thinking is this..
I've had a few conversations recently with other Christians.. ones who are struggling with different aspects of life. I've been short on words.. even though I could say a lot.. nothing has seemed quite right. Today, however, I realized something.. or it actually, finally sank in.. I found myself asking this question: Is bringing glory to God my purpose for living, or is it more of a guideline that I live next to?

What I mean is this.. It seems that in almost every conversation I have with Christians trying to deal with different issues the question always seems to be something along the lines of, "Is God okay with this?" or "Is this a sin?" Both are good questions and I believe they're helpful for staying on the 'straight & narrow'... but it seems to me that most of the time when we ask this, we actually know the answer. So I have a better question.. What if we started weighing our decisions according to how well we could glorify God in each situation? Maybe instead our question would be, "Can I grow in my relationship with God and bring him the glory if I do this?" (Whatever "this" is.. it obviously varies)
In essence what I'm saying is, what if we stopped trying to push the boundaries? Stopped trying to see just how far we can go and still be "ok" and "sin-free"?

When I say that bringing glory to God can be a guideline that we live next to, I mean exactly that. It gets set aside as the boundary line between "ok" and "not ok". It's no longer our purpose, but just something that we measure things against to make sure we're not sinning. I'd give examples, but this blog is long enough. Those are my thoughts... talk to me.
Cheers
-E

Trust and Patience

Sometimes I think I've learned a lesson.. and then months later, discover that I still haven't really. I noticed this today.
I think that trusting God completely is the most difficult thing in the world. I thought I was learning.. maybe I am.. but I'm a slow learner.

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life." -1 Timothy 1:15-16

CONFESSIONS AND TRUTHS

I just arrived home from a long day downtown and I admit, it feels good to finally be getting this down on paper (or.. not really paper.. you get the idea.) I've been thinking it over all day and it's become a bit of a headache. Just a warning, this is a long blog.. hang in there.
It's been almost two and a half months since I moved to Vancouver. I get asked a lot why I decided to move here. I guess I haven't really had much of an answer.. or more honestly, I think there may be more than a hundred answers and none of them seem quite right on their own. Perhaps I still don't have a good answer to that question, because in all truthfulness.. I still don't know.
For a long time before I moved I knew that I wanted to. For a few years my plan was to move to California (mostly for the film industry as that was my career-path of choice at the time.) About a year and a half ago, though, it became obvious to me that California was not God's idea.. and neither was film. This came as kind of a slap in the face (for those who have heard that story, you'll understand.. for those who haven't, feel free to ask.)
I spent a year trying desperately to figure things out and decide what I should do with my life. British Columbia had been on my mind for awhile.. years really. Aside from the California plans, it had always been where I wanted to be. I've never had a good solid reason to back that up, except that I was born here... but in reality, I think it makes little difference.
Anyway, I did a lot of praying about it and in January I decided that I would move. After pushing back my moving date three times, I finally bought my plane ticket and made the move. I didn't really know what to expect when I got here. However, what I was NOT expecting was two and a half months of depression and spiritual battle.
It's been a rough couple months. I've felt uninspired and essentially uninterested in life and the world around me. Being unable to figure out why left me frustrated. Sure, it's difficult starting life in a new city, but I knew it ran a lot deeper than that.
I've always been a church-goer. I don't always feel like going, but I shutter to think where I'd be if it weren't for my church family.
Leaving my church in Ontario was maybe the hardest thing I've ever done, but I was blessed to find a church here almost immediately. I went this morning prepared to learn something.. maybe find some inspirational tidbit worth writing about.. who knows. I wasn't really prepared to get hit in the head with a brick of a reality check.. but that's what happened. (Thank you Pastor Norm.)
The sermon was about glory.. giving God the glory.. worshiping in our everyday lives.. perhaps these topics are not so new, but here's what was revealed to me.. my bittersweet moment of truth.
For the past couple months I have spent most of my time wallowing in self-pity. Now I know why. I spent much of my life in Ontario building up a reputation. When you live in a city of 35,000 it's fairly easy to have a reputation that sticks for a lifetime.. this can be good or bad. At any rate, it was fairly clear that I knew who I was and people knew me. I developed a strange sort of self-confidence and my friends were more than happy to feed it. During highschool I knew that perhaps for the first time ever, there were people who wanted to be me. I knew that there were people who practically worshiped the ground I walked on. I knew I was cool and respected. People liked me. I liked me. That seems like a fairly safe combination.. until you move.
I guess I'm discovering more and more what it means to give everything to God. Everything including my pride, my confidence, my hunger for admiration. Sometimes God does have to take away things in our lives in order for us to realize that we've lost our focus. For me it meant taking away my reputation which had become how I was defining myself. It wasn't a bad reputation really. For the most part, people knew what I believed and respected me for that. In itself, it wasn't a bad thing... maybe that's why it was so hard to see. Today my pastor talked about worshiping. We are all made to worship and we all do worship. The question, 'what are we worshiping?' maybe doesn't get asked often enough. It can change daily.. or it can stay the same.. It can be obvious.. or maybe not so much..

I think that where I moved had little to do with the lesson I'm learning.. for now, anyway. Maybe the most important thing was that I moved at all. What mattered most to me was taken away. I can no longer live hiding under my reputation. I can no longer worship my abilities, my life, the affirming words of others.. truth be told, it's not worth it anyway. All of that is dirt in comparison to God, the one who is worthy of ALL our praise.

"You, God, are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands"
-Psalm 63:1-4

THIS IS MY NEW BLOG

After abandoning facebook a number of months ago I realized that I had nowhere to blog. I want to start a new blog, perhaps with more purpose than my, often random, facebook notes. However, I've imported them here for the time being and back-dated them so they are all archived if you want to read them. Unfortunately I wasn't able to import the comments as they are sometimes the best part of the note.. but anyway.. that's ok.
I've named this blog Ashes of Imperfection. My inspiration comes from a bible passage often referred to as "the love passage" (I have written several blogs about it before). However, my focus goes to the second half of this passage which is perhaps less common. It goes like this:

"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

God is Love. Love is perfection. In striving to be more like God we should all be striving to love.. striving to be perfect.. This means allowing God to burn within us. Destroying the old. Perfecting the new. Leaving us with only ashes of imperfection.
This blog is my journey. I'd like to hear yours too.

Burning Down
By Phil Joel

I know what I’ve been told
And I know there’s flaws in my thinking
Threatening the things I hold
So tight
Still this is my only hope
This is the way to freedom
Cause You are not so concerned
with my justice You let go of Your rights

And You expect the same from me
To let the ones who wrong me go free

The burning down of me
This is the cross I see
No other way for me
The burning down of me
This is the grace we have known
The mercy we’re shown
The truth, the way
Where life begins again

No greater love can a man show
Than to lay down his life for another
Even if the other will never know
You’re challenging all that I think I deserve
Challenging the ways that I handle my hurt
Cause it’s You who shoulders the blame I’ll remember

The burning down of me
This is the cross I see
No other way for me
The burning down of me
This is the grace we have known
The mercy we’re shown
The truth, the way
Where life begins again

What If

What If
By Coldplay

What if there was no light.
Nothing wrong, nothing right.
What if there was no time?
And no reason or rhyme?
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side.
That you don't want me there in your life.

What if I got it wrong?
And no poem or song..
Could put right what I got wrong,
Or make you feel I belong
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life.

Oooooh, that's right
Let's take a breath try to hold it inside
Oooooh, that's right
How can you know it if you don't even try?
Oooooh, that's right

Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
But that's the risk that you take
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your life.
That you don't want me there by your side.

Oooooh, that's right
Let's take a breath jump over the side.
Oooooh, that's right
How can you know it when you don't even try?
Oooooh, that's right

Oooooh, that's right
Let's take a breath jump over the inside
Oooooh, that's right
You know that darkness always turns into light
Oooooh, that's right..

Looks Like Love

Looks Like Love
by Needtobreathe

Take another step
Don't give up on me just yet
We could take a chance
We could find a child's romance
At least we'd love until we can't

I wont run when it looks like love
I won't hide beneath the fear
Of how my past has come undone

I wont run when it looks like love
I can't spend another night alone
Regretting what I've done
So, I won't run

The breeze can only be
When she overcomes the heat
Our hearts can only shake
When there's risk that they could break
Yeah it's a chance that I will take

Raise your head
Its time to say
Those words that I have left unsaid
I've slept through the sunrise
And I turned
Away every time it got bright

How to Get a Guy in 10 Days!

So before I finish the "Words" note, I'm taking a bunny trail of sorts because I had a special request to write a note on the top "How To Get a Guy in 10 Days"... so then.. here is my answer...

It depends on the guy.. and maybe he's just not that into you.

:) cheers!
-E

I Believe (Part 2.. The Thoughts)

If you haven't read part 1.. please do. Or don't.. whatever :)
Here are the thoughts..

Why can't I live out the advice that I give other people?
If I really believed it to be true, wouldn't it be easy to live by?
If that's true.. then what DO I believe?
(At this point, I began to comprise a list..)
I believe that there is truth and that nobody doubts its existence.
I believe that people struggle over who defines truth rather than what it is.
I believe that the world is beautiful.
I believe that people are far more complex than science would like me to think.
I believe that there is one God and he is the creator of the universe.
I believe that music is the language of the soul and people trying to write it with their heads is what's created what we know as the commercial music industry.
I believe that all people are created equal and remain equal
I believe that we're all going to die someday.. probably sooner than we think.
I believe that time is more valuable than money
I believe that the true definition of love can only be found in the bible
I believe... I guess that's all you need to know.. :)
That was probably the most peaceful note I've ever written...
-E

I Believe (Part 1.. The Apology)

I woke up this morning and wished I didn't.. it was just one of those mornings. But I got up, I went to work.. nothing spectacular. Same old, same old. One of the first customers I had all day managed to put me in a bad mood... that didn't really change for most of the day. Tired, Grumpy.. we've all been there. Then I got a txt msg from Pastor Jordan which reminded me that I had to lead games for the Jr. High's and, being grumpy and tired, this was not good news.. So at this point you're probably wondering why I'm writing this because, if you've ever read any notes by me before, you are aware that I don't usually tell you anything about my day.. or about myself in general. I usually write about issues or topics of interest.. but today I'm writing about something that I believe is more important than that. (Keep reading)
So I came home from work, tired and hungry. I ate supper. I went to Jr. High. And then I realized something.. I realized that the last couple weeks of my life have been incredibly busy and yet incredibly dull. I realized that I've been keeping myself so busy that I haven't had time to stop and think or do the things that I need to do in order to stay alive (I'm talking spiritual, not physical.. physically, I'm doing well. Thanks for asking.) I also realized that I haven't been treating my friends the way they deserve to be treated as lately they have been subject to my "de-stressing" (kind of like venting, only totally different.) So for the first time in a long time.. I stopped to think. Just for a minute, I paused with no real goal in mind. I stopped thinking about all the things I needed to do and all the stuff i wanted to do... and I will tell you what I thought about in Part 2 of this note which I'm writing in the form of a list..

A Few Things I learned This Week...

So the week's only half over, but it's been an interesting one.. so here are a couple things that I've learned.. or things that I kind of already knew, but now I really know..

#1. No matter how bad I think my week has been.. there is someone out there (no doubt someone I know) whose week has been way worse.. mine doesn't even compare.

#2. When I think I'm doing something totally crazy... It's probably been done before and as much as it's out of my comfort zone.. so what.

#3. Sometimes if I give people the chance, they'll actually surprise me in someway.. somehow.

#4. I'm always only one step away from being that person that seems to be way beyond help.. the one that everyone loves to hate.. the one that can't seem to get anything right.

#5. The friends that are the most annoying or "needy" or that I just can't stand to hang around are probably the best friends I'll ever have.. and now that I know that.. they no longer fit that category.. hmm..

That's it for now.. maybe if you've learned anything this week you can add onto that list :)
Godspeed!
-E

Spiders on Drugs

I thought this was cool.. I dunno.. haha check it!

I can't believe caffeine does that much damage.. I love caffeine.. :|